Was Ours Then We Lost It (True Love)

Almost 3 yrs ago I let my true love go, not because I didn't love him, but because at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. You may have all heard of my story - (Lessons in true love sometimes means letting go)? Well I still think of him very much and hurt from the lack of his touch and from the songs he would sing to me.

This Man was very much in love with me. Every time we were with each other he would give me his fullest attention and I would give him mine in return. Every time we were apart we would feel that crazy feeling until we would be wrapped up in each other’s arms again. Then the day came that we would say "so-long"... it was not a bad break-up or anything, it was a heartfelt one, meaning that we parted with broken hearts because we were still so much In love with each other He was needed by his children who lived thousands of miles away from me and I have children here where they needed to be at the time because their father was here too, (not living with me). I had no choice but to stay, at least that’s what I thought at the time.

 After Bryan had left I waited for a call or an email, anything that would let me know he was safe, but I never received anything from him for a long time. I started thinking, was it only me hurting as bad as it seemed? I would talk to his friend Nick and ask, "Has he heard from Bryan?", 'yes! And he is doing fine.'

 I was so hurt that he would call Nick and not me because I thought he would be more concerned about me and how I was getting on with my life.

 I kept getting news from Nick about what Bryan was doing but still no word, then I heard that Bryan found himself a lady!

 My heart broke.

 After 6 months I came to terms with it - at least I thought I come to terms that it was over. I had started leaning on my best 'online - male friend, Bob'. We started getting serious about each other after a few months, maybe because at the time we were just two lonely people. In the meantime things were getting really bad at home, my ex was harassing me and I started getting concerned for my Childs mental health, and my own, so I did what I thought at the time was best for us. I moved to another state which gave my twin an advantage and Bob treated me good but seemed always frustrated with me because he is so set in his ways ( which he never showed me online, but not in a bad way, just a snobbish kind of way at times).

 During sometimes Bob is very good to me and I do Love him. After being here a few months Bryan showed up online and we started talking as friends even now deep down I was upset with him but I pretended to be over him.

 These are the childish things all of us do sometimes in life I guess, but a year later we started opening up again. Bryan now lives with another woman and he loves her very much it have even just completed upon a home they bought to live in and his children have given him a lot of grief since his return.

 A few days ago he told me how special I was and told me he was still in love with me and missed me so much. He told me he was always proud to be by my side and told me he thought of me often and that I was beautiful and missed how we would write songs together and sing. He even told me I was the Best woman he has ever been with. And I told him I still loved him too and missed him with all my heart and all my soul but we have a problem now and we both are very caring to people around us. See now we have other partners and we don't have the heart to hurt them because for one I know Bob has been hurt 3 times in his life by women leaving him for another man and I am not sure of Bryan’s girlfriend's past relations but I do see the pain in Bob’s eyes still from his heartbreaks and I won't be the cause of another. So now I have to live once again with this yearning inside me and the need to be with Bryan because I can’t leave Bob without him wanting me to go himself. All I can say is I love Bob very much and I thank him for taking my children and me into his life and sheltering us from the pain I felt when I let Bryan go and for saving me from the mental abuse that my ex was throwing at me and saving my Children’s, also for treating my kids like his own. I do Thank Bob very much so. But I also want to thank Bryan for letting me experience true love because he did a lot for me too and to let the whole world know I still am very much In love with him and no matter how hard I try I will carry him inside my heart till the day I die because I want so bad to be with him but I can't do that to Bob and he surely can't do that to his Lady either. Aching Inside Always, A

It’s funny how people fell in love so easily and yet fall out of love in an instant, when you build a dream of being together someday yet things turn into just memory. A memory that won’t forget because you promised it’ll forever. When you want to know the truth, the real reason why and how things turns into gray? Yet no answers can be found. You always thought that long distance affairs can work through internet and it made you easy at first. But later on it’s gone…

Why the casual "hi’s" the chatting till for hours of the night, all had disappeared. What had happen and what you’ve done? You had gone from being a happy person on-line to a depressed person on-line. You’d see his name on your list not lit up, no replies for all your messages and you could be in a great mood and it would suddenly change. You actually got to the point that you couldn’t look at his name, it actually brought you to tears. You had lost the one person that you felt so close to. And it hasn’t stopped there; you know what he looks like in every little detail, you had saved all his pictures for you to see every time his not with you.

It will never get any easier for you, every little thing reminds you of him, you keep telling yourself to get over him, and to go on with your life, but how can you go on, when the one person you want to go on with is gone? When you used to call him your MAN, but now he is totally stranger.

And how can you ever go on, when all you ever wanted to do was to tell him that you loved him more than anything on this earth? You never got the chance to say those three little words, words that many people take for granted. But you now know that those three little words will always be words you will NEVER take for granted again! You doubt that you will ever find happiness again, it was a once in a lifetime chance.

But this is what you mean by "you never know what you have until its gone" he’s gone, and you will forever miss him, you only wish he knew this, you only wish he knew, that you still love him more than ever, and that you always will! You only wish that you could go back in time and change everything to make it better, to make it right! But you know you only living in a dream, it will never happen. But you’re human, you can only wish….

You just wished you know his reasons why he avoided you, why he treated you like this, why words should’ve uttered or even just a message for you to understand WHY? So you can explain, so you could stop thinking and stop crying.

And stop telling yourself “You made the biggest mistakes of falling in love with the stranger...”

I feel that this is where your energy should be going – rather than wasting too much of it worrying about how truthful your lover was.
One might look at it this way: you were married. From that point of view you were not in a position to be utterly faithful to your lover because you also had a husband.
Maybe your lover felt that it was perfectly 'fair' in that case to have someone else himself. I don't know.
People justify their actions in strange ways. And I doubt if you will ever reach into his brain and find a complete answer to this.

So, what can you do?
Well, is it going to help to have some sort of contact with this lover and to try to find out what his reasoning was? I doubt it.
You're trying to rebuild your marriage and I'm not sure how your husband would feel if he knew you were in touch with the other man – even if it didn't involve romance or sex.

But what do you need to do to put this behind you?
Well, people often find it helpful to write a letter - pouring out everything they feel – but then not sending it. Sometimes they burn it in the garden.

This signifies the end of the matter.
Another thing you might do is to have a couple of sessions – on your own – with a counsellor at Relate.
If you could talk over why the affair happened and whether or not you were ill-used and what that means, then you might feel more able to put the past behind you.
Personally I think a lot of your feelings are really about guilt that you could have hurt your husband and family.
So maybe you are channeling this guilt into feelings of hurt and disgust at your lover.
But the sad thing is that it takes two to have an affair. You are both adults. It has happened – but it's in the past.
Your future now is with your husband and I feel you must do everything possible to prove to him that you are wholeheartedly devoted to the marriage. Settling old scores with your ex-lover is not likely to help, I fear.
I know you haven't been dumped exactly, but some of the advice in the piece should help you to clear your mind of the past and to move forwards.

‘Distance’ is the one-word reason that countless couples have ended their relationships. While being in a long distance relationship can sure be tough, it does not have to take a toll on both of you.
 Here are some tips on how you can surpass the gap!!


Transparency and honesty help a relationship grow and can only happen if there is no playing and manipulation. A man and woman who are together because they want to and not because they have to, share a solid bond.

The most important to build the foundation of a stable relationship is TRUST. There should be a level of commitment between the couple even before considering a long distance relationship. Inherent mutual trust built up over time helps withstand any sort of challenges that come along. An on and  off relationship does not have the surviving power that a stable one does.

This is Difficult, why?

So simple, man is a social animal and is not used to living a solitary life. It is definitely better for a relationship if there is minimal distance. But, if both believed that they can see a future together, it is not impossible to overcome the distance. The hardest is the physical distance because it is frustrating when you want the person you love to be near or to be around you. Of course, you learn to deal with it maturely, but you always miss the person. Needs to accept the situation and should have loyalty, so that together can come up with solutions to work through even in distance. It might even be harder if the couple is not yet married.

 People have differences. Hence, while some can handle the distance situation, some cannot. It is not a question of strength or weakness, and you shouldn't tell off yourself if you find that you are the type of person who cant do it. To minimize or prevent unnecessary pain and heartache you both feel later on.

What supposed to do?

Ask yourself if you see a real future with this person in the first place before jumping into a long distance relationship. Evaluate the benefits of being with him and ask yourself if you are willing to put in the extra effort. Of course, duration of the time apart as well as the situational circumstances is a very an important role in  your both decisions.