Two people living together are going to rub each other the wrong way now and then. It’s inevitable. You’re unique individuals. You each have foibles, bad habits, and annoying personality traits. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is perfectly accepting.
If you can get angry with yourself, there are also going to be times when you’re angry with your partner. Preventing outbursts of anger is probably impossible. Limiting the damage is what is important.
For some couples, fighting is a form of foreplay. It gets their adrenaline going and their juices flowing. Afterwards, when they make up, they feel better and their love is stronger.
For others, the fighting only brings on bad feelings that can take hours, days, or weeks to heal. The response may not always seem to be appropriate, but anger can trigger emotions from the past that magnify the emotional reaction to events in the present.
It’s difficult to guess what will happen during a fight. The damage may be similar to other such disputes and can eventually be repaired. Or it could be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back and ends the relationship.
You can’t stop anger from arising. But you can control it-at least somewhat. If you love the person in your anger’s path, you owe it to that person to exert as much control as you can.
When the furies invade psyche, even if they can’t be avoided entirely, take a deep breath before thinking or uttering that next thought. Those few seconds may take some of the edge off the emotional sword you are wielding, perhaps even enough for the blade to bounce off the other party without causing any damage.
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